You can expect that:
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Your grief may take longer than most people think it should.
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Your grief will take more energy than you expected.
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Your grief will involve continual changes.
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Your grief will show itself in all aspects of your life – social, physical, emotional, spiritual and cognitive.
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Your grief reaction will depend on how you perceive the loss.
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You will grieve for many things (both symbolic and tangible) and not just for the death itself.
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You will grieve for your anticipated future – for the hopes, dreams and unfulfilledexpectations you held for and with that person.
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Your loss might resurrect old issues, feelings and unresolved conflicts from the past. You may find yourself thinking of other losses.
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You may feel angry, irritable, frustrated and have little tolerance for others.
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You may feel very sad and experience weeping spells that seem to suddenly hit you.
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You may feel guilt for things that you should / could / would have done and did not do.
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You may become anxious about losing other people, your own well being and the well being of other loved ones.
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You may experience waves or acute upsurges of grief that occur without warning.
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You will likely experience poor concentration, forgetfulness, and have a hard time being present and focused on tasks at hand.
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You may be preoccupied with thoughts of your deceased loved one.
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You may feel flat and uninterested in things that once gave you joy.
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You may find yourself searching for meaning and trying to understand what hashappened and why.
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You will find that certain dates, events, seasons, places and other reminders will trigger upsurges in your grief.
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Other people are well meaning but they either may not know what to say or do, or say or do things that are not very helpful. Identify who is a good listener / helper and turn to them when you need support.
References: Hospice Victoria Handout, adapted from “Grieving: How to go on Living When Someone you Love Dies” by T. Rando.
Printable and downloadable resources
- After the death of a loved one-what do I do?
- Grief and loss
- Adults grieving the death of a parent
- Coping with the death of your same sex partner
- Grieving the death of someone close
- Living through the death of your partner or spouse
- Adolescent Grief pamphlet
- The grieving family
- Ten things to know about grief
- Understanding grief
- When someone you care about is grieving
- A guide to understanding your emotions when you are grieving
- Coping with Christmas and other special dates
Bereavement and Spiritual Care services
Useful links:
- North Shore Grief Recovery Society – North Shore Grief Recovery has served the North Shore since 1990 – rebuilding the lives of the bereaved.
- My grief – Helps you understand and work through your grief
- Living Through Loss Counselling Society of B.C.-LTLC (founded in 1972) is a not-for-profit organization that provides professional grief counselling to adults and children who have experienced any type of loss.We offer a confidential and supportive environment in which to discuss your concerns.
- British Columbia Hospice/Palliative Care Association (BCHPCA) Education and support for palliative professionals and volunteers in BC
- BC Bereavement Helpline – helping the people of BC cope with grief. tel:604-738-9950 or toll free 1-877-779-2223
- Canadian Virtual Hospice – Information on Palliative and end of life care, loss and grief.
- Camp Kerry Society– A registered nonprofit organization specializing in bereavement care for families.
